Braveheart (1995) - Mel Gibson

20 years ago we gave Mel Gibson two Oscars.

Braveheart is a big budget movie of the 1990s, or as I like to call them, one thousand white men in period costume. 700 years ago, William Wallace helped start the First War of Scottish Independence, which ended with King Edward I of England granting Scotland their… independence.

Let’s face it, no one enjoyed being ruled by England. Except Canada?

When King Edward I decides to institute a Jus Primae Noctis, meaning that any lord may take the virginity of any woman he chooses on her wedding night… it basically starts a spiral of crazy events that leads to a revolution.

According to Wikipedia, that never happened though. Just fun imagination on the part of the writers. Because nothing gets a man more riled up for rebellion than avenging his woman!

So William Wallace starts a rebellion, and becomes a very successful military leader. Then he comes into contact with the French Princess Isabella.

Who is married to King Edward I’s son, Prince Edward. Who is of course… flamboyantly gay? Because why else would Princess Isabella be so swept up in the rugged masculinity of a Scottish rebel?

Have we already forgotten about Murron?

Yes. Yes we have. Because this movie is 2 hours and 57 minutes. I always used to confuse this movie with Gladiator and now I get why.

There is also a colorful cast of noblemen, warriors, and villagers who fill this titanic picture.

The film gets most of its historical knowledge from an epic poem, and it definitely maintains that level of immensity in the film. Mel Gibson gives at least ten speeches about the importance of freedom.

Is this what Drake is referencing when he says “Everybody dies but not everybody lives” in Moment for Life? Crazy.

So Braveheart did go on to win Best Picture, Best Director, and a bunch of other Oscars. It beat Babe! It lost Best Drama at the Golden Globes to Sense and Sensibility though. It’s also #77 on the IMDb Top 250. Personally, I can’t sit through war movies this long unless they introduce Matt Damon in the final act.

Halloween 2015 #2: Children of the Corn (1984) - Fritz Kiersch

Finally someone made a horror movie about the scariest thing there is… children!

In this frightful 80s horror movie based on a short story by Stephen King, a religious cult forms among the children of a fictional town in Nebraska called Gatlin. The cult worships a god known as “He Who Walks Behind the Rows” who says that anyone above the age of 19 must be sacrificed in order to secure a bountiful corn harvest.

But I’m above the age of 19! This movie should be required viewing for anyone who is celebrating their 19th birthday, I think that would be fun.

The movie centers on a young couple, Burt and Vicky, who are passing through Nebraska when they accidentally mow down one of the cult’s dissidents with their car. They try to stop for gas but an old man tells them that the pumps are empty, so they drive into town instead. So… just like in the opening of 1974′s The Texas Chainsaw Massacre?

Anyway. Here’s Isaac, the cult leader. He is the prophet who speaks to “He Who Walks Behind the Rows.” Burt and Vicky eventually find the two children who are not partying it up Jimmy Neutron-style in Gatlin, Job and Sarah. The reason Isaac keeps Sarah around is because she is a seer, she draws pictures that are sort of prophecies that usually just include stick figure children stabbing stick figure adults. 

Also the actor who plays Isaac, John Franklin, went on to play Cousin Itt in the 90s remakes of The Addams Family.’

Vicky is soon taken hostage by Malachai, Isaac’s righthand man. Religious zealotry and gore ensues! The movie reminded me of Carrie in that Stephen King really seems to have a thing for people who take Christianity too far, but this one I think offered a much more positive message in terms of how one could follow the Bible without becoming a murderous psychopath. Also there are obvious metaphors involving the connection between sexuality and impurity, as most slasher movies make clear, sexual promiscuity leads to death!

Look out for A+ 80s digital effects, as well as long speeches about the wrongfulness of cherry-picking from the Bible.

Also fun to note, Linda Hamilton, who plays Vicky, went on to star in another 80s classic that was released just six months later.

Come with me if you don’t want children to stab you to death with farm equipment!

The movie received generally negative reviews, and it actually raised a lot of questions while I watched it. If the “death to all procreators” mantra is followed strictly, the population of the town population would dwindle until the youngest member of the cult reached the age of 19. Would that sole member have to sacrifice themselves in order to ensure a good harvest? Also do they eat nothing but corn?

Children of the Corn made $14.6 million of an $800,000 budget and inspired 8 sequels.

Halloween 2015 #1: The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920) - Robert Wiene

Okay turns out summer is a time for relaxation, so I took the summer off from seeing movies in the organized manner that I’ve done in the past, which led me to believe that I was off the hook from writing reviews. Some of my favorite movies I saw over past three months, however, have been Jiro Dreams of Sushi (2011), The Hours (2002), Nightcrawler (2014), and Thelma and Louise (1991). 

But now I had the crazy idea where instead of me coming up with just a random list of films to make my way through (which would actually be my sixth time doing that, which is insane!), I am doing a themed movie-cation list. In October! Can you guess the theme?

And what better way to start a scary movie-cation list with perhaps the first horror film of all time? The German expressionist film The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, released in 1920, marks the so-called beginning of the horror genre. It tells the story of a hypnotist, Dr. Caligari, who uses a somnambulist (which is apparently a sleepwalker, like everyone knows what that word means?) to commit murders in the small village of Holstenwall. Dr. Caligari brings his spectacle to the town fair, where our protagonist, Francis, and his friend, Alan, first witness the bewitching gaze of the sleepwalker, Cesare. 

Scary, right? Well, Alan makes horror movie mistake #1, and asks Cesare how long he’s going to live, to which Cesare replies, “Until dawn.” Cue murder!

Also this awesome shot of their shadows. Who knew shadows could be so scary? I picture people in audiences fainting left and right, as they were wont to do in the 1920s. 

Those Germans really knew fear. The writers of the film, Hans Janowitz and Carl Mayer, have actually stated that the film is a metaphor for the German people’s penchant for dictators, and how they are easily seduced by a powerful leader into becoming mindless drones for world domination. Both the writers were pacifists who were distrustful of the German government after World War I, so the character of Cesare represents the German people who are forced to carry out acts of violence in the name of a mad authority figure. 

He reminds me of Peter Pettigrew. 

But there’s a lot of stuff going on in this film besides the subtext that is really impressive. First, the set design feels like it took a page of out Tim Burton’s book… well… okay never mind.

I’m not sure why this gif is sped up, but you can get a sense of the shadows and jagged shapes that make up this spooky visual style.

Also cool to note is that the film features a frame tale, an incredible precedent for the medium of film, despite having been around for centuries in literature (including one of the first horror books of all time, Frankenstein). In it, Francis tells an old man how he had to leave his hometown with his fiancée (the woman in the first gif), but they are still haunted by the events that took place in Holstenwall. 

The twist ending actually contradicts this setup, which leaves the viewer questioning the validity of any of the storylines. Who can we trust if not our protagonist!? Is anyone safe from the psychological damage brought on by World War I? Spooky stuff.

I have a list of about fifteen or so classic horror films that I will see for the first time this month, so follow along as I try not to give myself nightmares until Christmas.

Spring 2015 #17: Battleship Potemkin (1925) - S.M. Eisenstein

Happy First Day of Summer! I finally completed my Spring 2015 Moviecation List. The theme was “IMDb Top 250, AFI 100 Films, and Best Picture Winners on Netflix.” 

Battleship Potemkin. I saved the shortest film for last, thankfully. At 69 minutes it’s barely longer than an episode of Orange is the New Black. Except instead of being about a prison, it’s about the 1905 mutiny by the crew of the Russian battleship Potemkin. Russia was operating under a Tsarist regime at the time, and the crew of the ship finally took a stand against their officers, resulting in an even larger rebellion in the Ukrainian town of Odessa.

The film is actually an experiment in the theory of Soviet Montage, or the belief that the well-planned juxtaposition of shots can create an emotional response in an audience. Here we have three separate lion statues, but the response created from their alignment is one of growing fear and concern. Eisenstein, originally a film theorist, applied these ideas to his film to create one of the most powerful propaganda films of all time.

Here, in one of the most famous sequences in this film and possibly in any film, the citizens of the town run from a hired militia and are massacred by their own government. A combination of shots of robotic military men, dying children, and weeping women expertly come together to move the audience, making “The Odessa Steps” as influential today as it was back then.

One thing that amazed me was the sheer number of extras in this film. It reminded me of the Babylonian scenes in Intolerance. I guess people back then were really excited to be apart of this new medium called film.

Of the film’s five parts, three of them take place aboard the Battleship Potemkin. In Part 2, “Drama on Deck,” a fierce battle between the commanders and the crew takes place over the quality of the food served on deck.

I’m still not sure if this is God or just the ship’s priest like Wikipedia implies. He looks weirdly magical?

Anyway, Battleship Potemkin is a beloved exercise in montage and political manipulation. Orson Welles listed it as his favorite film (he died four years beforeThe Little Mermaid). But the film has 100% on Rotten Tomatoes, so I guess it’s a big deal.

Thank you for following along as I work my way through every important film of the past 100 years! Summer 2015 Moviecation List is in the works!

Spring 2015 #16: High Noon (1952) - Fred Zinnemann

 A Western?! How many of these are there? 

On the bright side, this is the shortest Western I’ve ever heard of, at 84 minutes. It also flips the genre on its head by happening in real time, in one town, and without any chase scenes. Crazy right?

Oh yeah and Grace Kelly plays a Quaker!

Okay, so now that you’re probably down for this “barely longer than an episode of Game of Thrones” feature film, here’s what it’s about. High Noon tells the story of Will Kane (Gary Cooper), as he is about to leave for his honeymoon, when he learns that an old enemy of his, Frank Miller, is coming in to town on the noon train and wants to kill him. Apparently Kane tried to get Miller hanged for his crimes but he was released on a technicality. The whole town is mad at Kane for this and now no one wants to help him. 

Especially not his pacifist wife, Amy Fowler (Grace Kelly). They get married in the first scene, and Kane is about to give up his job as the town marshal forever, until he learns of the return of his rival.

And the entire movie takes place between about 11 and 12:15! Kane runs from the saloon to the church to his ex-girlfriend to his successor as town marshal, and no one wants to help him out. Either because they believe Miller should kill him for letting him get away, or because they are mad at Kane for coming back when he had just given up his position as marshal.

The film culminates in Miller’s arrival, and the two battle it out for good old-fashioned patriarchal supremacy. But don’t expect only the guys to have all the fun! Kane’s (and also Miller’s) ex-girlfriend, Helen Ramirez, is a total badass, and also Mexican! (Even the actress, Katy Jurado, is Mexican!) The film takes place in New Mexico Territory.

High Noon went on to win four Oscars, including one for Gary Cooper. It ranks at #211 on the IMDb Top 250 and #27 on AFI’s 100 Films.

Spring 2015 #15: Modern Times (1936) - Charlie Chaplin

I can feel summer coming, but I still have two films left after this one for some reason! So here were are, back in the Silent Film Era… although not really because the first talkie came out in 1927. How did Charlie adapt?!

Well, apparently, he originally wrote a full script for the film, but abandoned it when he realized that his lovable “tramp” character just didn’t work when he spoke.

Modern Times works both as a slapstick comedy (one of Chaplin’s most revered) and as a biting commentary on the abuse of the working class due to industrialization during The Great Depression.

Here, A Factory Worker’s boss orders him to stop smoking on his break. The boss has cameras watching every worker at all times, and Chaplin’s character just isn’t cut out for that regimented work ethic.

After an awesome scene where he gets sucked into a machine, he begins to have a mental breakdown.

Chaplin ends up getting arrested, where he meets the down-on-her-luck orphan girl with a knack for petty theft.

She even looks fierce stealing a banana. The character, “the Gamin,” is played by famous actress Paulette Goddard. 

Chaplin also goes through a series of mishaps where he is mistaken for a union leader. The film offers a pretty dark depiction on the way the organization of laborers were treated.

But it’s easy to watch the film for what it is, a silly comedy about two lovable misfits falling for each other.

There’s also a great scene where Chaplin’s boss tests out a device that can eliminate the lunch breaks of his workers by mechanically feeding them.

Not sure how he could continue working during this, but okay.

The film culminates in A Factory Worker and A Gamin getting jobs as performing waiters, and Chaplin’s voice is actually heard for the first time ever in a film when he sings a gibberish version of Léo Daniderff’s “Je cherche après Titine.”

Modern Times is all good fun, and it is certainly one of the greatest hits from the king of the Silent Era. The IMDb Top 250 lists it at #39, while the AFI 100 Films puts it at #78. At only 89 minutes, it’s a nice little retreat back to the days of economic despair and abusive factory conditions.

Spring 2015 #14: Patton (1970) - Franklin J. Schaffner

Oh Patton. I just… I am unsure as to where I should start here.

Good idea, Patton. So, back in April of 1971, a film about the U.S. General George S. Patton of World War II won seven Oscars. Best Picture, Best Director, Best Screenplay, Best Editing, Best Sound, Best Art Direction, and Best Actor. Fun Oscars Fact: George C. Scott (who confusingly enough played George S. Patton) is the first person in history to refuse an Oscar. He called the Oscars “a two-hour meat parade, a public display with contrived suspense for economic reasons.”

He’s not WRONG. Just dramatic as hell. 

So apparently Patton is this ridiculously classic war epic covering the career of General Patton. Maybe I’d watch a Drunk History of this story… but not a 2 hour and 51 minute biopic of a controversial World War II veteran.

And not just because the film fails so spectacularly at passing the Bechdel Test (I’m serious, not a SINGLE woman has a line in this film, except for maybe one woman wearing a burka offering two chickens to General Patton out of respect). Now I know what you’re thinking, “It’s a movie about World War II, Saving Private Ryan doesn’t have female characters.” And to that I would say Saving Private Ryan has a surprise third-act Matt Damon, which could redeem anything in my eyes.

Here’s the only gif from the actual film I could find, which shows a pivotal scene in which Patton slaps a soldier for being too traumatized from the shelling to continue fighting. Patton gets in big trouble for berating the soldier by calling him a coward, and thankfully, his career goes downhill from there.

War movies and Westerns are not my thing, as I have stated countless times here, as I think they promote a type of masculinity that is incredibly harmful. But if you’re into war movies, you should give this one a try. It offers an extensive look at the politics behind World War II, plus Francis Ford Coppola was one of the screenwriters, so there’s that.

Also the first scene of Patton is iconic and allowed for this Looney Tunes bit.

Spring 2015 #13: Intolerance (1916) - D.W. Griffith

Do not attempt this movie without proper mental preparation!

Just so you know ahead of time, this shot exists in the film.

Okay. Intolerance: Love’s Struggle Throughout the Ages is a silent film epic by famous motion picture director D.W. Griffith. The film comes just one year after his divisive Birth of a Nation, which grossed $48 million, or $678 million in 2015. That film, which revolutionized motion picture storytelling as a true art form, turns 100 this year.

This is his flop of a follow-up. The film cost $2.5 million ($47 million today), used 3,000 extras, and bankrupted the studio, Triangle Film Corporation.

Intolerance seams together four epic stories of… intolerance. There’s a modern (1916) story of a mill workers’ strike, the French story of the events that led up to the St. Bartholomew’s Day Massacre in 1572, the Biblical story of the events leading up to the crucifixion of Jesus Christ, and the Babylonian story of the war between Prince Belshazzar of Babylon and Cyrus the Great of Persia in 539 BC.

Did I mention the movie is 3 hours and 17 minutes? That’s actually tied with Schindler’s List for the fourth longest film I’ve reviewed so far, after Gone with the Wind, Lawrence of Arabia, and The Godfather Part 2. 

Oh right. So the production value of this is literally unbelievable for its time period. The Babylon scenes are massive in scale, as well as the final massacre scene in the French story.

And while the film is boring as hell for a majority of the time, it did manage to have four separate storylines with simultaneous climaxes for the last thirty minutes or so, which is fun. Between an ancient war, a crucifixion, a massacre of French Protestants, and a high speed train chase, you really can’t be all that disappointed for sitting through the film that’s three minutes longer than Titanic but without a single line of dialogue.

The film transitions between its stories with this shot of “The Eternal Mother” rocking a cradle. It supposedly symbolizes the timelessness of human nature, mothers raising babies.

But the intolerance theme feels forced sometimes. I didn’t know what was intolerant about the Babylonian plotline. In fact, it seemed like Griffith was more making this film as a response to the backlash he received for Birth of a Nation, which was criticized for glorifying the Ku Klux Klan. This is like a “Hey, being hateful is bad, look at what it’s done over the past 2,500 years.” And although I haven’t seen Birth of a Nation, I have a feeling this one is much less problematic.

But Intolerance, despite being a flop financially, has powerful and bizarre cultural influence. For starters, the giant elephant statues at the Hollywood and Highland shopping center in Los Angeles are models of the ones used in the Babylon scenes.

EVEN BETTER, the film INVENTED eyelash extensions. That’s right. D.W. Griffith wanted Seena Owen, who played the Princess of Babylon, to have eyelashes “that brushed her cheeks, to make her eyes shine larger than life.” They wove human hair into gauze and attached it to her eyelids. Crazy right?

Anyway the film is #49 on the AFI 100 Films list, and is impressive despite being released 99 years ago.