Braveheart (1995) - Mel Gibson

20 years ago we gave Mel Gibson two Oscars.

Braveheart is a big budget movie of the 1990s, or as I like to call them, one thousand white men in period costume. 700 years ago, William Wallace helped start the First War of Scottish Independence, which ended with King Edward I of England granting Scotland their… independence.

Let’s face it, no one enjoyed being ruled by England. Except Canada?

When King Edward I decides to institute a Jus Primae Noctis, meaning that any lord may take the virginity of any woman he chooses on her wedding night… it basically starts a spiral of crazy events that leads to a revolution.

According to Wikipedia, that never happened though. Just fun imagination on the part of the writers. Because nothing gets a man more riled up for rebellion than avenging his woman!

So William Wallace starts a rebellion, and becomes a very successful military leader. Then he comes into contact with the French Princess Isabella.

Who is married to King Edward I’s son, Prince Edward. Who is of course… flamboyantly gay? Because why else would Princess Isabella be so swept up in the rugged masculinity of a Scottish rebel?

Have we already forgotten about Murron?

Yes. Yes we have. Because this movie is 2 hours and 57 minutes. I always used to confuse this movie with Gladiator and now I get why.

There is also a colorful cast of noblemen, warriors, and villagers who fill this titanic picture.

The film gets most of its historical knowledge from an epic poem, and it definitely maintains that level of immensity in the film. Mel Gibson gives at least ten speeches about the importance of freedom.

Is this what Drake is referencing when he says “Everybody dies but not everybody lives” in Moment for Life? Crazy.

So Braveheart did go on to win Best Picture, Best Director, and a bunch of other Oscars. It beat Babe! It lost Best Drama at the Golden Globes to Sense and Sensibility though. It’s also #77 on the IMDb Top 250. Personally, I can’t sit through war movies this long unless they introduce Matt Damon in the final act.

Spring 2015 #7: Gladiator (2000) - Ridley Scott

A $100 million Roman epic that is also a Best Picture winner? Hard to believe in this century, with the past decade being dominated by low-budget indies such as Slumdog Millionare in 2009, The Hurt Locker in 2010, and The Artist in 2012. But it wasn’t so long ago that massive blockbusters like Titanic, Lord of the Rings, and Braveheart were taking home the golden statue.

I think the digital age can be thanked for the improved quality of small independent films, since passion projects like Beasts of the Southern Wild (2012) can be made for as little as $1.8 million, or Whiplash (2014) for $3.3 million, and then can be successful enough to get the Academy’s attention.

But anyway, since I have 100 more gifs of this film, I might as well talk about it. Gladiator tells the almost true story of the Roman Emperor Commodus, who became the sole emperor of Rome at the age of 19 when his father, Marcus Aurelius, died in 180 AD.

Here we have a young Joaquin Phoenix, as Commodus, pouring his heart out to his father, after being told that the general Maximus (Russell Crowe) will succeed his father instead of him.

Poor Joaquin. All he wanted was for his father to love him! Well Commodus takes the throne by his own doing, forces Maximus to be executed, and then ascends to the throne in a wonderful celebration of 150 days of Colosseum games.

But you can’t kill Maximus! He escapes, then gets captured as a slave and sold into the games as a gladiator. Okay so maybe the film is about Maximus and not Commodus, but I’m here for the brother from Signs and not Javert from Les Misérables. 

And I know Commodus is a corrupt leader and probably sexually attracted to his sister, Lucilla… but I think Joaquin is beautiful and I can’t stay mad at him.

I call it the Jamie Lannister effect.

Anyway the script went through a million rewrites, which I think can be chalked up to arguments between the historians hired to work on the film and the studio people who were worried about narrative. Apparently, after several drafts, Russell Crowe said to one of the writers, “Your lines are garbage but I’m the greatest actor in the world, and I can make even garbage sound good.” I would like to see the movie fail after a declaration like that, but Russell Crowe did win an Oscar for this… so I don’t know.

But he’s right, so many of the lines are garbage. It’s like they focused on the massive sets and costumes (over 27,500 pieces of armor were made for the film), that they didn’t care what anyone was actually saying, as long as it looked awesome.

And it does look awesome. The first scene is a battle between the Roman army and the Germanic tribe in the last holdout against the Roman Empire’s expansion. Beyond that, the Gladiator scenes themselves are cool as hell.

Oops wrong gladiators. Despite the insane effects, including CGI shots of the entirety of Rome and a packed Colosseum, the film is lacking in character stuff. Apparently, Maximus himself wasn’t even a likable protagonist until they added all of this weird stuff about the afterlife.

So the film added a ton of random dream sequences where Maximus ponders his life after death, wondering about the meaning of it all. He was just an innocent farmer who became a general who became a slave who became a gladiator!

You do you Commodus. Anyway the film went on to gross $457 million, it won five Oscars including Best Picture, and it is #46 on the IMDb Top 250. The first Best Picture winner of the 21st century!